Since I had the liberty to propose a speaking topic, I chose to do something different. And because it was conversation, a topic so often neglected yet so second nature to us, it naturally piqued the interest of the audience.



 

Third, it has to etiquette driven. We need to be schooled in what to say, when to say and how to say.

 

Like it or not, we are involved in conversations with almost anybody daily. Running the gamut from our family members, to our peers, to strangers we meet, it’s a conversation in every sense of the word. 

How we communicate with others or what modes of communication we choose to utilize is paramount to the types of results we expect. Effective communication is something many of us take for granted. But in this every-changing world where good communication skills leave an indelible impression in the minds of others, it is important to know how to say, what to say, when to say and why we say it.

This is especially important in the civil service which serves the greater good of the public. But it’s definitely much more than just that. Even in our daily lives, we need to communicate effectively with our partners, friends, colleagues and suppliers.

When it comes to communication patterns between males and females, there is a fundamental difference. From time immemorial, males have been the more dominant, action-driven ones while females were the more emotional ones. But in this new age and time, we have often seen both males and females adopt cross-gender patterns. So it’s not good enough to start pigeon-holing both males and females. Instead, understanding the primary needs of each gender and how each chooses to send across signals is the key to maintaining a harmonious relationship.

Think of that important first date or interview you are going to attend. Do you not want to ace it with full confidence? Yes, your grades may be good enough to be invited for the interview or your looks may be above average to score that first date. But whether your relationship develops any further or if that interview materializes into a job offer often depends on the first impression you create. And this in turn is sustained through the art of conversation. Ask the right questions and the door opens. Pick the right topics and watch the sparks fly…

Invited alongside two other Eligible Bachelors from yesterday’s Cozycot Love Fest 2011, we were asked a series of questions pertaining to love and relationships. Chief of them all was this perennial question hotbed – can there be true love if looks were taken out of the equation?

Throwing the question to all three of us with an apparent reference to yesterday’s session in which the guys were blindfolded while going on a charity speed-date with ladies, the host Michelle Martins sought to get our views on air. 

But other schools of thought would argue that Cupid is blind, isn’t he? And chemistry does work in mysterious ways. 

Take for instant yesterday’s speed-dating session. Being blindfolded, one could only rely on the other faculties to suss out whether the girl seated in front would be someone to be considered date material. Without sight, one could only rely on hearing and touch. But then again, how much touch is touch? The other touch we can probably have is a handshake. Yet interestingly, one can tell the level of authenticity from that handshake alone. Is it a deadfish or a knuckle grinder? You be the judge…

We all have our own checklists of qualities which we aspire to find in the ones we date. This is not surprising as some of these qualities may be passed down from our parents. Others may be learned from past relationships (think often bad experiences). When we are younger, the list is inevitably long as a guy would look for a girl who is fair, slim, pretty and has long hair. If she is rich, all the better. A trophy girlfriend or wife she must be. In the same vein, a girl wants to find a tall, charming and humorous man. If he is rich, all the better so she can lead a tai-tai life.

But as we grow older, some of our convictions which we hold dear suddenly give way to reality. As our biological clock ticks away, we begin to refine our expectations. 

To many, love, companionship, partnership, trust and intimacy are as vital to all of us as water and air are. Fulfilling relationships are not only for the rich and privileged. As long as we open our hearts and souls to seek the one, he or she will come at the right time. I always believe in this mantra – it’s better to date the right one than date one hundred wrong ones. Yet one must have the courage to start dating and unlock all the senses in this process to find the right one.

Building good relationships that last is a journey. It is never a destination in itself.  Everyday, we create and re-create our relationships and we often have more choices than we know. The better we understand ourselves, our beliefs and that of our partner, the more satisfying a relationship we will create.